There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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