pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
