sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
