I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
