so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
