Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
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i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
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Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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