I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
