What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
