the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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