I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
