Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
