I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
If that was your dad, he is hot
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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