Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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