O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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