Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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