The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
