i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
