Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
