The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
