i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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