no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
