I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
