I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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