i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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