a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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