My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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