This is not my ceiling
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
