please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
