they need to just BURY HIM!
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
