when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
