Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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