also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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