Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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