i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize