Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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