Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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