3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
