you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
