it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
we're making bets on your personal life
Just invented taco cereal.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
