I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i out mim tonsoeep
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