really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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