When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
