Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
