i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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