I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
love makes seman taste better
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
