oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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