proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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