Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
