Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
