Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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