I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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