Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
