I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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