You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
