fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize