He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
