HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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