I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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