I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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