i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
