I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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